Tuesday, August 31, 2004

Free Thinking Is Scary

I think the problem with the world is that too many people have too many thoughts. And these thoughts could be potentially scary. It would be a lot safer if everyone just listened to one line of thinking, or I guess in a best case scenario didn't really do much thinking at all.

Perhaps if we all came together and held hands and prayed for a while the world's problems would just vanish. Yes, that's it. I think we should form a LOVE CIRCLE 2004 and that everyone could listen to Yanni and dance and we could all be happy.

I mean all the starving people in Sudan really need is a hug. After hugs the food is sure to appear. Then not only will they not die, they will have hugs!

Or in Iraq we could just send over a LOVE CIRCLE to all those mean terrorists and melt their hearts with the music of Celine Dion.

Any way you look at it hugs and kisses and holding hands and really not doing anything with your life is the answer. But I've been doing too much thinking.

I think I'll go take a nap. Maybe move back in with my parents. They'll know what to do.

Can you step? Email me.

Monday, August 23, 2004


The original version of this post read like an apology. After ruminating over it for a while, I have decided that not only am I not sorry for what some schmuck does in his spare time and somehow gets construed as being associated with me, I really don't care anymore. You can find a wealth of stupid people on the web and if you think I am one of them the X box is in the upper right hand corner of this window. Click it.

To be clear if you don't like what I write - deal with it. I am an opinionated dude. I don't fall into normal political lines and most of my opinions (which by the way, are better than yours) will probably piss you off. Deal with it.

The 1st Amendment protects some jerk's right to sing a stupid song in the same way it protects mine to call him an ass for picking on gay people. I have zero tolerance for him and the people who associate me with him.

And that is what I meant to say all along.

Can you step? Email me.

Sunday, August 22, 2004

Unfit For Command?

I love the fact that hardcore liberals are pushing Kerry so vehemently as the next coming of Christ. This guy may be the most confused person since Dennis Kucinich. I don't think he could delineate or discuss any real political issue... ever.

You want to talk about Bush having trouble speaking, how about, "I actually did vote for the 87 billion before I voted against it. Are you fucking kiding me?

Yeah, but of course Kerry was in war so he must well experienced and well versed. OH WAIT, the guy was absent 76% of the time for intelligence meetings. Well he must be solid on other issues?

Right... Wrong! Kerry has contradicted himself numerous times.

First, on education- he voted for the No Child Left Behind Act, then criticized the bill afterwards.
Secondly, on taxes he encouraged the President's tax cuts, THEN said they should have been bigger and THEN said he would repeal them. Wow. That's a doozy.

Thirdly, on all this shit. I'm not going to repeat it all, if you vote Kerry just know you are getting a guy who proudly condemns Special Interest money, but has accepted more of it than any other Senator.

I mean, I understand that Democrats think he is wonderful because he went to war, but there are serious questions about his conduct in Vietnam. The guy filed his own requests for medals, which is a bit counter-intuitive to me, and he may have injured himself for two of them.

Nonetheless, I wasn't there. So who was? Well there are a few men who support Kerry among the Swift Boat Veterans, yet the majority despise him for both his conduct in war and upon his return home. He called his fellow soldiers "baby-killers" and "rapists" with no evidence supporting his claims.

The man who has been painted as the ultimate patriot war hero, once broke U.S. laws, laws setup out of respect for those men who gave their lives in Vietnam, to further his political career. He filmed a political ad at the Vietnam War Memorial, against the park's wishes. So he is a veteran of the war when it is convenient to him? How moral.

This guy once said he rode a tractor to a bunch of middle class people in the hopes of somehow relating to them. Well, let's see. You marry a billionaire, have people who drive you around in SUVs, own a manservant and your running mate is a sleazy trial lawyer who sues regular people for millions of dollars. (By the way, Edwards apparently isn't well liked by Kerry who said of Edwards fitness to be President, "In the Senate four years – and that is the full extent of public life – no international experience, no military experience.")

Kerry has had 375 instances where he had the opportunity to lower taxes and has voted against it in all 375 instances.

Oddly enough, he actually supports a ban of gay marriage. How ironic.

He's seriously a douche. Next to John Edwards, he's the Biggest Douch In the Universe.

Can you step? Email me.

(If you get the South Park reference, kudos to you.)

Tuesday, August 17, 2004

It's Okay To Piss People Off

I am so tired of all this pretend political bullshit. If I hear one more politician's promise to care for "all of my needs and wants" I am going to probably do nothing. But dammit it pisses me off.

For once can't a politican come on the air and say something like

This is Greg Dunaway and of course I fucking approve this message.
A picture of hippies protesting some stupid cause like the plight of owls
"Tired of people who don't shower and smell bad?"
Shot of Ted Kennedy
"Tired of fat bastards stealing your money."
A picture of Europe
"Tired of nations constantly bitching about the U.S. but then begging us for money and aid?"
A shot of me walking in a park or forest or something.
"I hate all that crap too, and if you disagree with me- Take It Deep. My name is Greg Dunaway, and this November I encourage you and everyone to
Paid for by cool people who don't watch Friends.

Obviously my campaign slogan would be TAKE IT DEEP. And if anyone can make a kickass Flash movie along those lines, God knows I would be more than happy to post it.

The time for sensitivity has gone, and if you think otherwise you're probably wearing Abercrombie and Fitch and looking at the latest People magazine and/or reading some stupid post-modern philosophies about dolphins.

Can you step? Email me.


Saturday, August 14, 2004

Executive vs. Executive - Whoever Wins We Lose

I don't know how studio executives function, it is my personal belief that they all had a collective lobotomy. I saw Aliens Vs. Predator with my father (who was mildly excited because as he put it "how could they screw this up?") Enter Paul W.S. Anderson.

What bothers me about Mr. Anderson is that I actually enjoyed Mortal Kombat, I didn't think Soldier was that bad of a movie and I have heard that Event Horizon and Resident Evil weren't that bad (however the sequel, which he wrote, looks totally shitty). However, after seeing AvP I may have to go back and watch them again just to ensure I wasn't on prescription pills when I saw them.

Aliens Vs. Predator is like a really hot girl who you are excited about, but then she won't shut up and has an IQ of maybe 5. AvP's story is all at once ridiculous, stupid and terrible.

I would have been okay with some guy on a street going, "Oh shit there's a Predator.... Oh shit there's an Alien... Ow, they both killed me, but shit they are gonna fight. AWESOME."

INSTEAD we get a bunch of babble from terrible actors about Mayans and Cambodians and communists and hippies etc. Even the toddler next to me was bored to tears. I think someone fell asleep and just let the stupid Italian actor improv lines about ancient hieroglyphics. "Dees one is maybe about chosen people or a flower, I'ma not sure becausa I failed collegea." At least he got shot.

I can just see the studio meeting before this ever got started:

Executive: Has anyone read the script?
Executive: Does anyone know who Paul W.S. Anderson is?

Guaranteed none of those assholes had even seen Alien or Predator.

Can you step? Email me.

P.S. On a lighter note - a friend made a comic with me in it. Enjoy.

Thursday, August 12, 2004

Replace Torture With Country Karaoke

I think with all the hubbabaloo (neat word) about torture and the U.S. that everyone just needs to take a step back and realize, that I, Greg Dunaway, have found a MUCH, MUCH worse torture than putting a hood on some Iraqi's head.

Two Words: Country Karaoke

Last week I found myself in possibly the worst situation of my life: I was eating bad BBQed chicken, and was being forced to listen to drunk hillbillies belt out country songs. Worst of all, there were no lethal weapons around to either 1. kill myself and/or 2. kill the bastard who was singing.

Now obviously country music is terrible on its own, but coupled with some asshole who thinks he can pull some hick accent (example: I lost my daaaawwwwwwggg), this bullshit was killing me.

Some of you may be asking "Greg, how did you end up in this god awful situation?" Well, I'll tell you, those bastards deceived my family by saying "Live Music Tonight." Now I guess in some states (i.e. CA), karaoke qualifies as music, BUT EVERYWHERE ELSE IT QUALIFIES AS BULLSHIT NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR, MUCH LESS BE SUBJECTED TO WHILE EATING DINNER.

If you think country karaoke is cool, I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that you also think that wearing sleeveless shirts is "tight" and that Kenny Rogers is an American hero. You probably also get drunk a lot, but not because you want to party, but because you saw Chuck Norris get smashed on Texas Rangers.

I hate you all.

Can you step? Email me.

Monday, August 02, 2004

Hell Has Frozen Over - A Politician With A Good Idea

I am currently looking for monkeys to start flying out of my butt, because goddammit I heard a politician with a good idea: GET RID OF THE IRS!!!!


Hot damn, that's someone who is going to get re-elected. How come no one thought of this before? There are two things Americans hate more than anything else: Barbara Streisand and taxes.

Any politician getting rid of one of them would ensure re-election, getting rid of both would get a monument in their honor. And if it didn't, I would build one for them.

And the guy who came up with this idea - Speaker of the House Dennis Hastert.

Cheers to you Hastert, and godspeed. Although I'm sure that liberals everywhere are going to start bitching, a national sales tax is the best idea EVER. Don't tax me on what I earn, tax me on what I spend. That way if John Kerry wants to buy John Edwards a yacht or two, we can tax his rich ass majorly and when I want to buy groceries, I pay like 40 cents or so. FAIR?

Goddamn right.

And of course, this is a LIBERTARIAN idea, ripped off by Republicans. Sighhh.... I'm so tired of being right all the time.

Can you step? Email me.