Monday, April 24, 2006

Guest Article: Five Rules to Being a Good Formal Date

My friend Matt read what I wrote on my other site about my time in Mexico. I was going to write something more here, but he did an admirable job on a topic I find particularly humorous. Enjoy.

Above: Good dates.

“Three Rules to Being a Good Formal Date”

At the end of each year, the school is abuzz with excitement for the ultimate party: Fraternity Formals. Girls loved to be asked, and guys must carefully select their date. Choosing a date is key into maximizing everyone’s fun for the three-day extravaganza. A date choice can mean the difference between having the time of your life, or having a hellish nightmare of drama and vomit. Once you are picked as a young man’s formal date you hold a great responsibility for the enjoyment of everyone. Now, once and for all these problems can be solved by following these three easy rules. Enjoy.

Rule 1: Remember, this isn’t your personal vacation.

When asked to a formal, you are asked because you were carefully chosen. The young man asked you because he thought you would make a fun addition to his trip and a good time would be had. He spent a lot of money to bring you with him, because obviously it was important. Therefore, it is frowned upon to see it as your personal paid vacation and go off on your own like he is not even there. Your friends are also dates on the trip you say? Big fucking whoop. If your friends are going too, great. But this does not give you free reign to run off with them and do body shots off of some club promoter for free drinks. It is polite to go with your date to places and do the activities they choose to do. If you both agree to split up and do separate things, excellent, but this is usually not the case.

Rule 2: Don’t be a mooch.

Before you even leave on the bus to the formal, a lot of money has been spent by your gentleman friend. Most likely he wiped out his bank account or had to lie to his parents to get $300 saying he needed some new “books.” Therefore, when you get down to your exotic location, offer to buy him a taco, pay for your own drink once in awhile. Most likely he will be happy to buy you a drink now and then, but remember, we are college students, and we don’t have money coming out of our asses. Also, if your getting free drinks because you are skanking it up on the bar, why not at least give your date the consolation prize and offer him one of your free roofie coladas.

Rule 3: Nobody likes a puker.

As we know, puking is a common side affect to 72-hour shit shows in Mexico. So therefore some puking and general hangover effects are expected. The problem comes from when a puker cannot control their projectile vomit or the hour at which they do so. It is not hard to locate a toilet, trash receptacle, flower pot, gutter, etc to puke in. So please try to do so, no one wants to clean half digested carne asada off their socks. Also, it is not fun to have to go back home at 7:30pm because their date just threw up their spleen. Pace yourself. Remember, it’s a marathon, not a sprint.

I concur. Well done Matt.

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