Monday, June 30, 2003

About Cox Cable and Other Things

I beat the crap out of my cable modem daily. But, its not unprovoked. Here is how it goes down:

Hckyfn15: Wow, thats really cool, how about you come over?
Hot Girl: Okay, let me get your phone number-
Hckyfn15: Yeah, one sec.

Hckyfn15: Goddamn piece of shit.

At this point I get up, with a fistful of rage, and walk out into the kitchen in my boxers, embarass my parents, grab a hammer and kick the shit out of my cable modem until a little green light comes on. I am like the Hulk, instead of gamma rays, cable rays piss me off. I swear to God. So if I ever sign off and you are like "what an asshole ditching me like that." Chances are I hate you and don't really like you. But if I do like you, then don't be pissed. Instead, just call me (this is required for girls, optional for guys).

I thought I had something else to bitch about. Oh, I don't, I was just gonna say, I am probably going to set up a place on this site thing so you can bitch about my bitching and bitches and stuff, but until then you can just email me.

Chances of me responding are slim to none unless "God you are the chilllest guy ever" is in the subject line.

Sunday, June 29, 2003

Why Harry Potter is cool in my book (pun, ha ha ha... ha?)

1. The books are awesome
2. Tonight I watched Chamber of Secrets at a friends house, and apparently it is a good make out movie because that friend of mine spent a good hour making out with his girlfriend (minus the scene at the end with the huge python- he jerked up for that). Anyway, to conclude, Harry Potter encourages young people to read and teens to make out.

On another note- I GET PAID TOMORROW!

On another note- I want to see Pirates of the Carribean and 28 Days and Terminator 3, so if you are in the mood for swashbuckling action, zombie horror or Ah-nuld, call me.

And that sounded so ridiculously stupid that I am going to pre-emptively end this posting.

Saturday, June 28, 2003

The Solution to Everything

Make me Supreme Ruler of the World.

Thats it. You name a problem- I can fix it.

See a shitty movie? I will shoot the director.
Your English teacher shaft you this semester? I send him to Iraq.
Taxes? No more. (How do I get money you ask?- I shoot you.)
Girlfriend break up with you? I steal her and buy you a slurpee. Mmm.. on second thought free slurpees for everyone.
And free Taco Bell too.

You get the drift. So the next time you vote. Vote for United States of Badass by electing me Supreme Ruler.

Two last things

Yeah, before I go to bed and probably never update this thing again I have to issue a warning: CHARLIE'S ANGELS 2 IS THE WORST MOVIE EVER MADE (except for Battlefield Earth which is only watchable while on strong hallucinogens). And for....

The Top Ten Reasons NOT to see this movie:

1. Nothing remotely resembling a plot
2. They resurrected a creepy assasin dude, (who was killed in the first movie) who appears only twice in the whole friggin movie, steals some girl's hair and then gets killed again with NO FUCKING EXPLANATION. Shoot me.
3. Worst lines ever: Angel- "You know what I have that you don't?" Bad Chick- "What?" Here I was thinking there is no way it can be as shitty a line like "love" or "hope." I was wrong. Angel- "I have friends." I was nearly puking.
4. The directors name is McG. Get some fucking friends you tool. And get a real name. AND STOP STEALING FROM THE MATRIX YOU UNTALENTED SHIT.
5. Still reeling from the stupid McG thing.
6. Replacing Bill Murray with Bernie Mac. Why did he not return? Because he read the script and thankfully said "this script blows."
7. Shitty special effects. When McShittyDirector wasn't stealing from The Matrix he hired some kid in a basement to pull off his terrible special effects. You only had 100 million dollars you dooshbag.
8. The cameo by Bruce Willis- completely pointless. He shows up in a plane and using the logic of dumbass an assasin kills 40 marines in 30 seconds- silently. And then Bruce gets shot. I wonder how much that cost. 15 million? Way to go Bruce, at least your role wasn't as bad as your ex-wifes....
9. Demi Moore's terrible, terrible I am fifty but still hot role. No your not. Your like a melted barbie doll or something. Go away.
10. Any line said by any angel at any time. I could have written lines while pissing in the snow better than this.

Anyway, I am not all that pissed off. For the first time in my life I demanded a refund. Got my 6.50 back from a mean customer service asshole. Suffice to say this movie blows.

The second thing I was gonna talk about was the record companies getting ready to sue my ass. But I am tired as shit so you get the condensed version-

RIAA Board Meeting

Bill: Well, since we can't beat the technology, why don't we embrace the technology and create an affordable, reliable alternative to Napster and Kazaa and stop charging 15 dollars for CD's that cost us 3 dollars to make?

Everyone Else: Get the fuck out Bill.

Everyone Else: Instead lets sue our consumer base and send their asses to court so that we can appear to be suits with sticks up our asses. Instead of finding a solution we can just sue, sue and sue until everyone hates us and never buys CDs again. Hurray for us!

Bill: I hate my life.

Now It Looks Better

It looks dumb with just one posting. So I figured I would give you all a bit of controversy to chew on:

Michael Moore is a fraud. Ha.

Check that out. Blind liberals suck, take back his Oscar.

Why My Blog Rules

I started because one night at 12:52AM I saw some kid who was talking out his ass and had tons of people reading his blogger thing. So I figured I could talk out of my ass better than he could. So here we are.