Sunday, March 27, 2005

If You Are A Stupid Bitch Who Everyone Hates, Jump Off A Cliff

I had a revelation the other day as I was sitting around in my boxers contemplating life. (I have many revelations walking around my house in boxers.Jjust before this revelation God told me that if you answer the door in boxers, your mother's friends get offended). Anyway, this particular revelation was brought on by a certain moronic girl who tried to ruin my St. Patrick's Day, needless to say she didn't, but nonetheless, being a good, sensitive, little boy, I tried to figure out what I would do if I were in her situation. I tried to walk a mile in her shoes, but then realized they were stupid ugly EMO shoes and used them to throw at cars who cut me off in traffic. Here's my revelation:

If you are a stupid bitch who everyone hates, you should march yourself to the nearest cliff and JUMP OFF. No one will miss you. I mean, obviously I don't like you- and that's a huge knock against you. But chances are even your parents hate you although they pretend to mask it.

Stupid Bitch: I'm coming home for Spring Break.
Dad: Umm... actually your Mom and I are going for a surprise visit to our relatives in Europe.
Stupid Bitch: We don't have relatives in Europe.
Dad: Mom and I found them yesterday. See you later.

You may be asking yourself- how do I know if I am a stupid bitch who everyone hates? If you have to ponder this even for a moment let me be the first to tell you-


And I don't like you. Go away.

Can you step? Email me.