Monday, February 21, 2005

Douchebag of the Year Award!!

It's February, but I think it's pretty safe to give out the most prestigious award that this site sponsors: The Total and Absolute Douchebag of the Year Award. This years winner has totally re-defined the idea of douchebag. In one year he has defiled the greatest sport in America, lied, and generally destroyed the heritage of hockey. If you're thinking of NHLPA Executive Director, Bob Goodenow- YOU ARE SO RIGHT!


For singlehandedly destroying the 2004-2005 hockey season through stubbornly refusing to accept a salary cap; for then accepting a salary cap at the last possible moment and then refusing to negotiate further, and for generally FUCKING UP my sport and turning NHL players into a bunch of namby pampy whiners- I hereby declare Bob Goodenow the TOTAL AND ABSOLUTE DOUCHE OF 2004 and 2005. Congratulations, douche.

Can you step? Email me.

Sunday, February 13, 2005

Thank You AOL

I made the obvious mistake of thinking America Online could do something right. I hate AOL. Singlehandedly AOL has ruined my computer. I update my Instant Messenger program and ever since then my computer has done the following: randomly turned off, made noises that make it sound posessed which scares me, and frozen roughly once an hour. And what did AOL add to this wonderful update?

Great, annoying goddamn pictures to get in the way of me having a conversation. That stupid dog probably eats up more of my precious memory. Goddamn penguin in shorts. Plus I have some stupid ass buddy list thing I can't get rid offering me more useless AOL shit I don't want. Yeah, like I'm going to listen to AOL radio. Why not just rip off my ears and bang two sticks together?

Screw AOL.

Can you step? Email me.

Saturday, February 05, 2005

What is Midieval Times? Careful Commentary by Greg

(For those confused by what Midieval Times is think back to that crappy Jim Carrey movie "Cable Guy," it's EXACTLY like it is in the movie)

Midieval Times was either the greatest 3 hours of my life or the weirdest. I can't decide. When the waiter calls you "M'Lord" and you are wearing a green crown made out of paper things start to get a bit weird. On the other hand, this one knight had a huge swingy thing with a ball on the end. That kicked ass.

Also, the princess winked at me. That was cool, if not re-affirming that I am indeed one of the hottest guys to walk on this planet. The food was good. But there was this one guy with long hair who pissed me off because he kept talking about a story plot which obviously no one cares about.

Christ just let the guys beat the shit out of eachother. We DON'T CARE that the evil sorcerer predicts some random vengeful death. Get to the lances and crap.

I was kind of hoping that one of the girls I went with would go and make out with the yellow knight (this happened last year apparently at our work social). But it didn't happen. The guy looked like a cross between Ben Affleck and a 2x4 hit repeatedly in his face. I don't blame them.

I wonder what their day jobs is. Do they go around and randomly throw in conversations?

"I beat the red knight yesterday."
"Um... okay, where's my hamburger and coke?"

Can you step? Email me.