Tuesday, November 21, 2006

God I Hate Feminists

Just when I thought I couldn't hear one more stupid feminist complaint about men (stupid of me to think women couldn't find things to complain about) I happen to stumble upon Donna Sheehan's website. And just how did I get to this website? Well Ms. Sheehan has decided to protest war by... get ready for it.... encouraging people to have a "global orgasm." Oh yeah, that'll get people motivated, great work Einstein. As if we don't have enough lazy slackers in the U.S. Why don't we just have a National "Wake and Bake" protest. That'll really show those Washington D.C. politicos we mean business. God I hate hippies.

Anyway, back to Ms. Sheehan. In her book "Redifining Seduction" she contends that women must break through the oppressive male-dominated world of courtship by... wait for it... SEDUCING MEN. Oooooo no!!!!! The chauvinist pig dog in me is forever lost!!


This isn't revolutionary, this is goddamn common sense. Men don't like hitting on women, it's awkward and time consuming. GO AHEAD LADIES MAKE MY DAY. Show your inner feminism by calling me a handsome, charming and utterly resistible sex god.

The feminists finally got me.

Can you step? Email me.

Tuesday, November 14, 2006

Songs NOT To Play at Hockey Games

Having recently attended a Los Angeles Kings and Los Angeles Dodger games in the past year, subjecting myself to the lowest common denominator among sports fans, I have a few suggestions in particular to Los Angeles Kings (the Dodgers are beyond repair).

1. Educate your fans. It is NOT okay that over one half of the people around me don't know what "offsides" is. As tough of a concept as this is (derrrr the puck has to go over the blue line derrrrr) I'm sure with a little video board education, even the idiots in LA could figure it out. Additionally, every Kings fan in a suit worth more than $1,000 should be thrown out of the arena. Their $500 blackberries should be donated to charity. If you want to be "seen" at a sporting event, go to a Laker's game. Hockey is a man's sport- not a fashion event.

2. QUIT PLAYING SHITTY SONGS. It is NEVER okay to play ANYTHING on the top 10 of MTV's most requested songs at a hockey game. I was ready to start rioting when I heard some bullshit Shakira song blaring over the loudspeakers. As an example the following is a list of 5 acceptable bands to play instead:

1. AC/DC
2. Motley Crue
3. Metallica
4. AFI
5. Rolling Stones

See the difference? No bullshit MTV pop stars, just good music. Save Justin Timberlake for wussy NBA fans.

3. Lower your prices- the Kings suck. No one should have to pay 20 bucks to sit in the upper deck, 15 bucks to park, 7 bucks for a beer and 5 bucks for a hot dog just to watch the Kings dog it for 3 periods.

Well that's my starter kit to fixing the Los Angeles Kings. Other suggestions including "Raising the collective IQ of King's fans" were just too hard for even me to come up with a quick fix.

Oh well, I'll see you all of you Kings fans in the Playoffs I suppose- oh wait...

Can you step? Email me.