Monday, January 26, 2004

Why do I pay for Channel 21?

I want to know why people have to have shitty ass Christian programming as part of a cable package? WHO WATCHES THESE GOD AWFUL (excuse the pun) programs where old people cry and praise Jeebus and then ask me to send their fatasses a check?

Fat Haired Lady: CAN YOU FEEL THE PRESENCE OF THE LORD?
Greg: No
Fat Haired Lady: CAN YOU FEEL GOD COMPELLING YOU TO DONATE?
Greg: No.
Fat Haired Lady: THANK YOU GOD FOR A MIRACLE TODAY!!
Greg: No.
Fat Haired Lady: (starts crying)
Greg: Un-fucking-believable.


The other guy is worse. In addition to having a dead animal on his head he is so unbelievably fake that I am puzzled he is still on the air. He just sits there and pretends like he is healing people OVER THE GODDAMN T.V. Yes, over the fucking airwaves. But I too have mastered ths skill, except over the internet. ITS SO EASY. Watch. I am going to heal someone RIGHT NOW .... ready? Here I go:

I see a teenager reading this. He is sitting in a chair. His hands are at the keyboard. GOOD JESUS HEAL HIM. HURRAY!

Instead, I want the Starz channel. All movies all the time.

Big Fat Haired Lady Vs. The Two Towers
The Guy With the Bad Toupee Vs. Samuel L. Jackson

You see where I'm going with this.

Can you step? Email me.
hckyfn15@aol.com

Wednesday, January 21, 2004

The Top 10 Reasons Howard Dean and His Zombie Followers can BLOW ME

Drum roll please....


10. He is a fucking lunatic
Who the fuck does he think he is- Chewbacca?

UPDATE: HEAR THE RE-MIX


9. He's a liar
Flashback Clinton style

8. He Wants To Tax Families 2000 bucks
Captain Idiot

7. He Flipped His Views To Run For the White House
Cough Kucinich Cough

6. He Constantly Looks Like He Has a Stick Up His Ass
Ouch

5. "Southern Guys With Confederate Flags on Their Trucks" You Imbecile
Ann Rules

4. His Own Staffers Think He Sucks
They Bet A News Reporter 5 Bucks He Would Lose ha ha ha

3. I think He Sucks

2. I think He Sucks


and NUMBER ONE REASON....


I THINK HE SUCKS.

Can you step? Email me.
hckyfn15@aol.com

Tuesday, January 20, 2004

Local News Sucks

I stopped watching local TV Broacasts about a year ago. Tonight, by means of force (i.e. if you dont watch Channel 3 News you will fail this course) I sat through about 20 minutes of the 10 O'Clock News. It was painful.

Please tell me that I am not the only person on this planet WHO DOES NOT GIVE A SHIT ABOUT SCOTT PETERSON, NOR THE JUDGE IN THE CASE, NOR ANY OTHER LAWYER AND CERTAINLY DOES NOT WANT TO HEAR ABOUT A CHANGE OF VENUE.

Christ. On the night of the freaking Presidential State of the Union Address, which they spent all of 4 minutes on, I was further enlightened to hear insightful comments from other Heads of State commenting on the address. Oh wait no. That was my wishful thinking.

During the world news segment, I instead heard about the lucky ass clown who won the lottery and was now very sad because his car had been broken into. This, ladies and gentleman, is our world news. The poor bastard. Not as if he can buy another one OR COUPLE THOUSAND CARS.

No wonder other countries think we have our heads up our asses.

Can you step? Email me.
hckyfn15@aol.com

Sunday, January 18, 2004

About Goddamn Time

I am so freakin tired of running into left leaning idiots. I can understand right wing wacko's - most of them anyway- but liberal idiots drive me insane. Faced with facts (i.e. Voting for Dean will cost families close to 2,000 dollars) they start spewing ideological bullshit that I don't care about. Is this asshole going to try and steal more of my money for useless government programs that BLOW NUTS? If the answer is yes- then I don't care. I love being Libertarian. Why aren't you libertarian? Eh?

Anyway, I was browsing some loser ass Dean sites (in a nutshell- If you come to this rally he will beat Bush. HURRAY FOR TAXES!!) and I ended up at this site Cool Site

Christ, about fucking time someone brought up the fact that Dean is a wacko. God.

Oh, then liberals bring up Hollywood. Like I give a rats ass that some dumbass celebrity endorsed a presidential candidate. Shut the fuck up and get back to your limo's and movie sets. No one gives two shits what some half assed wanna be activist thinks about politics- and if you do- do me a favor and vote me for President because Tom Cruise just endorsed me. I swear.

Can you step? Email me.
hckyfn15@aol.com

Monday, January 12, 2004

The Slacker's Code

Oftentimes during school this year I have found myself asking "Where Am I?" And after that "When's lunch?" These fundamental questions have driven me to pursue my greatest challenge: becoming even lazier. Those who know me realize what an impossible goal I have set for myself. But I am determined to become even more of a slacker.

I present to you, MY SLACKER'S CODE

I don't carry a backpack, but I can do even less than that.

I don't remember where my classroom is right now, but I can do less than that.

I make fun of people who still do homework, but I can do less than that.

I am taking a computer class where my sole aspiration is to play Yahoo Pool, but I can do less than that.

I have read one book all year long in my AP English class, but I can do less than that.

The amount of time I have spent watching Homestar Runner has nearly quadrupled the time I have spent wondering where my backpack is, but I can do less than that.

ASK NOT "WHAT CAN I DO FOR MY SCHOOL?, BUT WHAT CAN STAYING AWAKE THROUGH THIS PERIOD DO FOR ME?"

Who's with me?

Can you step? Email me.
hckyfn15@aol.com

Wednesday, January 07, 2004

Poetry + Capitalism = Shit

One of my more interesting Christmas gifts was a Body Wash by Addidas. I have no gripes about it, it smells good and it has caffeine in it which oddly wakes me right the fuck up when I roll out of bed. However, upon closer examination I found this on the back side of the tube:

I feel the surge of cool mint, the jolt of caffeine.
Clean relief washes over me. I feel the burst of energy.
My only wish: Make it last forever.


This is so terrible, so absolutely mind numbing that I suggest we hold a moment of silence to remember the disgust you had upon first reading that.....

My only wish- make the vomit in the back of my throat go away. That was SOOO unbelievably fucking stupid. Are you serious? MAKE IT LAST FOREVER?? Yes, thats what I want- I want to sit and rub body wash all over myself FOREVER. I hate marketers.

Hey Addidas next time you want to sell me something why don't you hire an accused rapist, maybe he could do a better job.

Ouch, score one for greg.

Can you step? Email me.
hckyfn15@aol.com

Saturday, January 03, 2004

Kucinich- The Hippie-Idiot's Candidate

In what I hope will be a recurring feature on this site (depending on time, I do a bit of research for this stuff) I present:

The Destruction of A Moron- Dennis Kucinich

Introduction-

Dennis Kucinich has gained the reputation of being a man of peace and fairness. In my opinion he is a man of stupid ideals, a stupid platform and most of all a stupid party. He is a card carrying member of "Hyprocrites R Us" and if elected, would embarass our country.

Kucinich = Sell Out

I thought nothing could piss me off more than a tax and spend liberal like Al Gore. Then I met Dennis. Dennis is not only a tax and spend liberal, he has a Clintonian moral compass which makes him a first grade jackass. Let's take a little trip down memory lane shall we?

Little Dennis is just an Ohio congressman. Nothing more. He meets monthly with the Pro-Life groups in Ohio to tell them "thank you" for all the hard work they are doing. He has a 90+ rating by a National Pro-Life Political Activist group, one of the highest in the nation and he is well-respected in his community for his views- which are largely reflective of his constituency. BUT THEN DENNIS GOT AN IDEA!!

If Dennis appealed to the large Anti-War group in the U.S. and the War on Terror went sour- LITTLE DENNIS COULD BE PRESIDENT!! But there was only one tiny, little problem..... HIPPIES ARE PRO-CHOICE... So what does Dennis do? Does he stick to his ethics and morals....? OF COURSE NOT, HE'S a POLITICIAN

Quicker than you can say hypocrite, Dennis has become an ardent defender of abortion. Ever since he was thrust into public light, Dennis has been on the campaign trail, sticking up for "Reproductive Rights." What a joke.

BUT WAIT THERE'S MORE!! Take a little gander on these two quotes taken directly from Kucinich's mouth:

Talking about being a vegan: "a dietary decision he credits not only with improving his health, but in deepening his belief in the sacredness of all species."

Sacred my ass you hypocrite. Yet another quote:

"Morally, I simply do not believe that we as human beings have the right to play God and take a human life especially since our human judgments are fallible and often wrong."

OH NO SHIT?? REALLY? HOW ABOUT ABORTION YOU SCHMUCK??

Ugh. What's most disturbing is that Democratic insiders say his 180 was due to his campaign needing more money from traditionally pro-abortion Democratic Unions. Disgusting. Moving on.

Kucinich= Big Taxes

In a society where most Americans are already taxed close to 50%, Kucinich "Champion of the Average Man" pledges to raise them. He will repeal all of Bush's tax cuts (which of course he has in his liberal judgement set aside for more government spending), will institute a new "progressive" plan (read: higher taxes), and will do away with the voucher system, a system which essentially let poor families disgusted with the public school system move children into private, excelling schools.

Let's analyze: under Kucinich's plan a married household will be fucked. Essentially, one parent will work ALL YEAR to pay taxes. (Assuming they each pull in about 50 grand or so- putting them under one of his highest tax brackets). He will take more money out of YOUR pockets because apparently hard-working Americans don't know what to do with their hard earned dollars. FURTHERMORE

Kucinich sends a big "Fuck You" to underprivileged children, essentially condemning them to shitty schools. The American Public School system doesn't suck because it doesn't have enough money. Our system blows because no one holds Administrators or teachers accountable. Throwing more money at them has done nothing and will do nothing- Kucinich is blinded by his love of big government and will let all of OUR children drown in a sea of apathy. Vouchers were our last attempt to have some sort of control of the behemoth of public education.

Thanks a lot dickhead.

Conclusion

For some stupid reason (bandwagon), teens have become enthralled with this candidate, showering him with praise. They focus on his apparent love of peace, but fail to realize electing a hippy is not going to make terrorists stop hating the U.S. Furthermore, they pussy out from answering any questions about my solution to this problem: getting the fuck out of the Middle East and everywhere else we don't belong. They know that the Middle East would crumble. They need us just as the whole world needs us around, but are too ignorant to admit it.

Kucinich isn't going to do anything worthwhile if elected. If nothing else he would probably worsen diplomatic tensions because terrorist morons would perceive him and his "Office of Peace" (motto: Save the Whales) as being one big sign saying "Bomb Us and We Won't Judge You."

What is worst about Kucinich is the fact that he is a hypocrite about something like abortion. If he can't decide whether or not a human life is worth something then he is not someone I want running this country.

Can you step? Email me.
hckyfn15@aol.com

UPDATE: Due to the political nature of this posting and the fact that discourse is a good thing in politics I present: Perhaps the ONLY time EVER I will peruse comments about something I have written: (not here anymore)


SECOND UPDATE: I removed the link because I don't care what you think. Sink. Blink. etc.

THIRD UPDATE: Let's see it's Monday June 28th - Where is Kucinich and his devoted band of rebels? Oh there they are - kissing millionaire John Kerry's ass. Viva la revolucion.

Score one for Greg