Why do I pay for Channel 21?

I want to know why people have to have shitty ass Christian programming as part of a cable package? WHO WATCHES THESE GOD AWFUL (excuse the pun) programs where old people cry and praise Jeebus and then ask me to send their fatasses a check?

Fat Haired Lady: CAN YOU FEEL THE PRESENCE OF THE LORD?
Greg: No
Fat Haired Lady: CAN YOU FEEL GOD COMPELLING YOU TO DONATE?
Greg: No.
Fat Haired Lady: THANK YOU GOD FOR A MIRACLE TODAY!!
Greg: No.
Fat Haired Lady: (starts crying)
Greg: Un-fucking-believable.

The other guy is worse. In addition to having a dead animal on his head he is so unbelievably fake that I am puzzled he is still on the air. He just sits there and pretends like he is healing people OVER THE GODDAMN T.V. Yes, over the fucking airwaves. But I too have mastered ths skill, except over the internet. ITS SO EASY. Watch. I am going to heal someone RIGHT NOW .... ready? Here I go:

I see a teenager reading this. He is sitting in a chair. His hands are at the keyboard. GOOD JESUS HEAL HIM. HURRAY!

Instead, I want the Starz channel. All movies all the time.

Big Fat Haired Lady Vs. The Two Towers
The Guy With the Bad Toupee Vs. Samuel L. Jackson

You see where I'm going with this.

Can you step? Email me.
hckyfn15@aol.com