Easy Solutions to The Gas Crisis

For all those out there who are saying "what crisis?" I say "SCREW YOU LUCKY BASTARDS." For all those in Phoenix who are aware of the fact that we are shit out of gas at the moment, I have come with two easy solutions to our crisis- both of which are entirely realistic and support my theory that if I were to run the world things would be better.

1. Take over the Middle East. Hell, we already got Iraq, why stop there? What has the Middle East done for us lately? All they do is start goddamn wars and overcharge for oil. No more of this OPEC "we swear we can't ship anymore, and we promise we aren't greedy basards" shit. We take Saudi Arabia, Yemen, Syria, and all the other sand filled places and take it over. We can call it "U.S. East."

2. This proposal is a more local solution: Secede from the Union and Declare War on Utah. It's about goddamn time we did something about Utah anyways. So, I lead an advance into Utah, threaten to spray all the Mormons with beer (Mormons can't drink beer, try to stay with me) and we have a bloodless take over. I steal all the gas we need, take a small percentage and for shits and giggles build casinos and strip clubs in downtown Salt Lake City. I am such an ass.


Hckyfn15@aol.com