How not to impress me

I'm sure there are bound to be lots of opinions on this, but since this is my goddamn site you can shut the hell up. Why is that guys are so impressed with trucks that take a friggin firetruck ladder to get in? The next guy who comes up to me and is like "I am gettin a 3 foot lift on this baby" gets my foot up his ass. I DON"T CARE. Maybe it is some sort of like penis envy game where guys gather around a campfire and are like

Idiot: I am getting a 2 foot lift.
Idiot2: Yeah, well I am getting a 3 foot lift.
Idiot3: Well mine is four.

What practical purpose does having a car the size of a 747 serve? Maybe it makes short people feel tall... I dunno, nonetheless, anyone who wastes money on something that idiotic is a first degree DUMBASS.

Next up: Overblown stereo systems

Now, my standard for a "cool" stereo system is one that makes someone like Dave Matthews or Eric Clapton sound good. I don't give a rats ass for a system that can be heard in fucking China. If you have to hear it that loud than you are a thickheaded dunce, who probably has no taste for music either. Just because you listen to Linkin Park louder than someone else doesn't mean you like them more. Also, WANNABE EMINEMS who drive their little Civics around wearing ghetto clothes and chains- YOU ARE TOOLS. All of you. Take your sideways caps and shove them up your ass. There is only one Eminem and the funny thing is that he would make fun of all of your asses.

Irony is a bitch.