I Hate Phoenix

What really sucks about Phoenix is how much it is starting to turn into L.A. (motto: Come See Our Freeways!!) The other night I was out in Chandler (a suburb of Phoenix) hanging out with some friends but then I decided to go because they put on the Lion King and since as a child I had been beaten over the head with this movie I decided I had better things to do... like clip my toenails or something.

Anyway, the point of this is not that The Lion King is for kids, the point is that when I decided to go home I found that the freeway was closed. No biggie I thought I am sure that they posted detour signs that will get me home. Silly me.

25 fuckin minutes of following detour signs later I am about ready to off-road my ass home. I fuckin keep driving, I smell cow shit and realize "Oh boy I am now surrounded by farms I am sure that I am heading towards a major metropolitan city" Finally, as if God didn't already hate me I encounter the following sign:

Phoenix - 18 Miles

Fuckin Christ- how is it possible to be 18 GODDAMN MILES OUTSIDE OF PHOENIX? Someone at some point should have said "You know what, this place is fuckin big enough, lets stop buildin roads, besides who the fuck is gonna want to be 18 goddamn miles outside of Phoenix anyways" Damn straight I would have said. And then I would have gone to the Phoenix City Planners who were probably stoned out of their minds:

Planner: Yeah Man... lets just build downtown EVERYWHERE, cuz then it will be like a big fuckin zoo...

Planner: Totally, I mean like I love giraffes... Yeah...

and I would have beaten them. Assholes.

Can you step? Email me.
hckyfn15@aol.com