Hell On Earth

There is no question in my mind that hell does not exist. This is mainly because I am quite sure that hell is instead a very REAL place on earth. I am going to be as delicate as I can with this- but as anyone who reads this regularly (in addition to being badass), knows that I am not the delicate type. Ahem. So to preface this- I am happy for anyone who has a life changing experience, finds Jesus, hugs a cross, cries their eyes out etc. Additionally, I appreciate the amount of time that goes into planning something like this- oh fuck it, im sorry if you're offended. There- anyway...

MY CONFIRMATION RETREAT NEARLY DROVE ME TO SUICIDE

This really deserves like a 6 page thesis entitled - Ways to Eliminate the Teen Threat (Send Them to Confirmation Camp). How can I put into words the feeling you get when you have heard about 60 Christian Rock songs and would be willing to cut off a finger in order to hear the words shit, fuck, bitch etc. in a song. Why has no one questioned the whole Christian rock thing??? In addition to being WAY SHITTY- how the fuck are you expecting to appeal to any audience with lyrics like-

IM GONNA ROCK FOR JESUS WOO HOO
IM GONNA ROCK FOR JESUS WOO HOO
JESUS ROCKS MY WORLD...WOO HOO

I would rather have my eyelids torn off than have to listen to that shit again. I came home and threw on Linkin Park and Less Than Jake for about 10 hours to undo the damage to my musical taste.

That being said- have you ever been around morons? Good, now imagine being around morons, who have no capacity for rational thought at all, and in addition are big pussies. Sound familiar? No, well then. Welcome to my world. Allow me to sum up the point of the retreat

I AM A BAD PERSON AND A SINNER
and, in order to undo my terrible life
I MUST PRAY EVERY DAY AND GO TO MASS EVERY DAY

Additionally, if you "Go to parties" or "drink" you are a sinner. Well, shit on me, but last I recall Jesus was turning water into wine, not the other way around assholes. Additionally, on what basis is drinking bad? Are we condemning a good 3/4 of the world because they drink alcohol? Are smokers sinners? Are birthday parties bad?

Ugh.

Lastly- I have found out that I am "too cool" for God. This came as a great shock to me, because I would have thought that if anyone were to be the epitome of cool IT MIGHT HAVE BEEN A FUCKIN DEITY. But no- its me.

Retreat Leader: Are you too cool for Jesus Greg?
Greg: No.
Retreat Leader: Well, you aren't singing.
Greg: So?
Retreat Leader: I think you think that you are too cool for Jesus.
Greg: You're wrong.

This line of questioning was clearly getting to him, so instead of pursuing it I was forced to sing in the front of the room so Jesus would change his mind about me and not send me to hell.

Thank God I have been saved.


Can you step? Email me.
hckyfn15@aol.com