Stupid Article Ideas

Today while wandering around Barnes and Noble (motto: kickin your local bookstore owner to the curbs), I found quite possibly the stupidest article title ever gracing the top of "Phoenix Magazine." It was entitled The 96 Top Dentists in Phoenix. Good Christ. My first thought was, who are the four or five schmucks in all of Phoenix who couldn't make that goddamn list. Seriously, what were they, like sex offender dentists?

Editor: Uhh yeah sorry Jim, you just didn't make the cut.
Jim: But you let that one dentist who pulled out the wrong tooth in.
Editor: Yeah, but he didn't leave one of his patients on laughing gas over night.
Jim: Honest mistake, not my fault.
Editor: Better luck next year.

Furthermore, who CARES about the top 96 Dentists, god knows if there are that many "top" dentists in Phoenix we should be shipping em' the hell out of here. Send em to Rwanda or somewhere, I am cool with 50 top dentists in my metro area.

Goddammit Phoenix magazines should run articles like "The 96 Hottest Girls in Phoenix" or "Is it so hot that Phoenix should institute mandatory bikini days?" Those are PRESSING issues that need to be addressed. I am gonna start my own magazine entitled "Magazines that Suck and How to Fix Them." It will be a big hit. All I will do is make fun of magazines like "Weiner Dog Weekly" and "Dungeons and Dragons Delux Ultra." And if any of you people read those magazines, tough shit. They suck. The only magazines that are allowed are Cosmopolitan, Maxim, and anything else I want to read, like the occasional Rolling Stone when there isn't some asshole band that no one likes on the cover. I would rant about asshole bands, but I have stopped caring.

hckyfn15@aol.com