Raise Your Hand If You Give A Shit About Robert Blake

In case you have been living a goddamn media free hole for the last 6 months (I envy you), let me be the first to tell you the most important news since the story broke that President Bush had choked on a pretzel: SCOTT PETERSON IS GUILTY!!

Oh boy oh boy. Damn. Wooeee. I don't know if the press can completely overcover and blow out of proportion another murder trial. I mean, the 24/7 coverage on Court TV, CNN and Fox was certainly informative and entertaining.

Reporter: I'm live at the courthouse. Today Scott Peterson looked unhappy as he was led into the courthouse. But the judge declared a recess until next Monday. From the courthouse I'm Dooshy McDoosh. Back to you.

Anchor: LET'S GO LIVE TO TEAM COVERAGE WITH OUR PANEL. SO WHAT DOES THIS MEAN FOR THE SIX PEOPLE WHO ACTUALLY GIVE A SHIT ABOUT THIS TRIAL?

Defense Attorney: BLAH BLAH BLAH, innocent.
Prosecutor: BLAH BLAH BLAH Clearly guilty.
Johnnie Cochran: Is he black?
Anchor: No.
Johnnie Cochran: I'm out. Peace.
Anchor: Tomorrow, we'll have more NON STOP team coverage, examining Scott's life, in its entirety from birth until just now. Then, even though the court won't be in session, we'll have a live reporter at the scene, to give you the illusion something important is happening. So America, what do you think is he guilty or innocent. Go discuss quickly in the commercial break, because when we come back we'll be talking to some stupid attorney about the death penalty or some stupid shit like that. (If it's Fox News, insert some stupid phrase about "Staying brave staying alert and patriotic" here) (As if the asshole who is watching this stupid ass coverage is going to be out fighting terrorist Akbed over on sixth street next to the Starbucks)

So America, are you ready for the next great news story? The Robert Blake trial starts soon. But it's not like America is at war or anything. The press really has no choice but to cover this. Right?

Can you step? Email me.
hckyfn15@aol.com