I Hate Henry

Henry is my roommate's friend. I hate Henry a LOT. Henry ruins my life on a very miniscule level, which is why I can't be super pissed, but just really pissed. The other day I had just prepared a wonderful meal, was relaxing on the couch, and was preparing to watch a brand new episode of South Park. Everything was perfect, I was in a perfect state of relaxation, nothing could ruin my day... except Henry.

Henry knocked on the door, which pissed me off because I had to get up, but I was willing to forgive him for this. Then Henry committed an unforgivable sin. Henry started yelling at my roommate, WHILE SOUTH PARK WAS ON. The worst of it was, my roommate was in the living room with me, which does not necessitate yelling. In fact, he could have sat down next to my roommate and talked softly, but no, Henry had to ruin my evening. Even my food was starting to taste bad.

I decided to give Henry a subtle clue to shut the fuck up by putting the volume on full blast. Henry must have figured that the TV was malfunctioning, so he proceeded to talk even louder in an attempt to teach the TV a lesson. Goddammit I hate Henry. I ended up getting up and leaving, my roommate later apologized which spared me slapping Henry when I saw him the next day.

I thought my troubles with Henry were over after this event. I was wrong. First off, Henry decides to drop by when my roommate isn't around. I'm sitting, minding my own business being awesome, Henry walks in looks around the apartment and starts talking to me.

"Is Brandon here? Because I don't see him."

Now, I want to say "NO DUMBASS, HE DIDN'T MYSTERIOUSLY HIDE HIMSELF, THERE ARE TWO ROOMS IN THIS PLACE AND YOU SEARCHED THEM BOTH."

I say, "Nope," and continue on with being awesome.

He still sits behind me, which pisses me off so I turn on music to give him another subtle hint to go away. He starts fuckin around with my roommate's computer and then walks over to me again. Dammit.

"Do you know the password to Brandon's computer?"

Ugh. "YES I KEEP TABS ON ALL OF BRANDON'S PERSONAL SHIT LIKE THAT. DO YOU WANT HIS SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER TOO?"

I answer, "No." Now, I thought he really would be discouraged by this and go away. I was wrong.

"Do you have any guesses?"

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. YES, HOW ABOUT THE PHRASE 'HENRY HAS DRIVEN ME TO SUICIDE.' THAT WOULD BE APPROPRIATE."

I answered again, "No, I don't have any guesses." Henry sat around behind me some more, issuing important instructions for me to tell Brandon, I didn't pay attention. God I hate Henry.


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hckyfn15@aol.com