France Surrenders to Lance Armstrong

In an effort to avoid conflict with noted Seven-Time Tour De France champion Lance Armstrong, Prime Minister Jacque Chirac has announced the complete surrender of France to Mr. Armstrong. The surrender comes in response to quotes from Armstrong that he intended to "piss the French off" by returning for another Tour de France next summer.

In a press conference today Chirac said, "France has a rich history of dealing with aggressors timidly and peacefully. We hope Mr. Armstrong won't occupy the French territory for long, however, if he does our initial plan is to ask the U.N. for a resolution to determine how long he will rule over France. If this fails, we'll probably ask the U.S. to bail us out."

When asked for comment, the White House said simply, "We're not surprised."

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