Lance Armstrong: He's Definitely A Better Person Than You

This past 4th of July as I sat sipping beer, watching fireworks and kicking rocks at hippies I came to realize that Lance Armstrong may in fact be the perfect American.

When Lance was diagnosed with testicular cancer did that stop him from continuing American dominance over cycling? NO. He ate up riders like Ted Kennedy in a candy shop.

When accusations that Lance was using steroids surfaced in the French press - did Lance pull a liberal manuever and immediately start crying and quit? NO. Lance gave the press the finger and proceeded to dominate French riders for 6 straight years. It was sort of like how the French got dominated in WWII for six straight years... Lance could totally kick Hitler's ass in a fight.

When some idiotic European woman got her purse stuck in Lance's bike and threw Lance 6 feet into hard asphalt did Lance pout and make a scene? NO. Lance got on his bike and continued to kick ass and take names.

This list could go on forever. I didn't even begin to mention how Lance recovered from divorce- by dating a millionaire hot singer because honestly who cares? Everyone knows Lance Armstrong is the coolest guy and definitely better than you.


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