College Fashion Is Really Stupid

First off, since I'm at LMU, where there are literally billions, and I mean billions of well dressed people obsessing over their new Gucci crap, maybe I'm the odd man out here.

However, in my 4 weeks here I have a developed a pretty fool proof way to find fake people at this school: I quickly gauge how much their wardrobe is worth.

In between 20 and 40 dollars: Probably cool people. Chances are they shop in the same way I do (I don't) and like me haven't spent more than a few seconds at Abercrombie and Fitch to stick their heads in and make note of the idiots buying ripped clothing. These people probably are the people who if you accidentally spilled something on them, would laugh and tell you not to worry about it because it's just a shirt and not their car. These people also wear cheap flip flops, jeans and a shirt as a general rule. Their sunglasses are also not worth as much as their X-boxes.
As a rule: THESE PEOPLE ARE CHILL.

In between 40 and 60 dollars: These are generally the girls who walk around in groups comparing notes on what they are wearing and constantly nagging, "Where did you get that?" I am so tempted to turn around and say something akin to: "GODDAMMIT, where do you think? Unless she sewed it herself it's at a fucking clothes store. Check out the logo."

This also applies to some guys, which is sad and pathetic and horrible all at once. These are the guys who are insecure and compensate by only wearing certain clothing brands. I happen to sit close to one guy who alternates between Tommy Hilfiger and Abercrombie. I laugh at him every single morning. I get up every day at 10:45 for my 11AM class. This asshole must get up at least at 9:30 to do his hair, make sure his sunglasses fit perfectly on his head, iron his jeans, put on his expensive clothes, and then check himself out in the mirror. This is the type of guy that shallow girls fall for because he looks like the guys in Cosmopolitan. They also are very stupid and cannot think outside of the immediate world in front of them.

These guys are a disgrace to all men.

In between 60 and 80 dollars: A totally unique sort of person, so obsessed with himself/herself that they usually don't even bother to notice that people think they are total morons. An example: this Greek guy stalked a girl and kept buying her shit and offering to take her to Disneyland and such. The guy had known the girl for 10 minutes. 10 minutes. And for some reason, the guy didn't really understand- THE GIRL WASN'T INTERESTED. In fact she called campus safety. Hmm...

On the flipside of this coin we have the girls who spend their every waking hour mixing and matching their 50 dollar skirts to their 40 dollar shirts so that self-absorbed guys can later walk by and call them sluts. I have little or no respect for these self absorbed girls.

So there it is. My quick guide to making judgement calls on the fly. It never fails. I suggest printing out a copy of this guide and holding it with you at all times to avoid catastrophe.

Or you could go back to browsing abercrombieandfitch.com and listening to Britney Spears.

Can you step? Email me.
hckyfn15@aol.com